Why Have Kids?

I am very glad I had kids, I love them more than anything, but I'm not sure I could recommend that choice to my kids. The world seems bleaker, the future dimmer, and the environment more gruesome than when I was growing up in the 60s. I hope to hell I'm wrong.

Looking back on the years I can say that I have some regrets. The biggest is not knowing then how I would feel today about having a family. If I had realized then what I would have missed, the regret that I feel and the sense of loss I have when I look into the future I would have done anything to have the family I now long for.

It may be a little late but I have not given up complete hope. My recommendation now to anyone in their 20's or 30's is to think about what they want their life to look like now and later on. If someone had done that for me, I have the feeling that I would have the family I long for.

Thank you for your courage to put these thoughts out there, it is a necessary and difficult source of discussion. I don't think you said it directly, but some/many people should not become parents, should not have children.

you can't beat having kids. to this day i remember holding my first thinking this is what i was meant to be. a dad.

now 2 are in college, 2 are just thru college, and the relationships are constantly evolving. its the best, up, down its all good. i could talk forever on this, but ultimately its the best thing i've ( sorry we've) ever done. hands down. no question.

i can tell from your columns you dig it a lot more than you let on. enjoy the ride.

Your dog or cat won't be able to drive you to a doctor's appointment, argue with orderlies concerning your care, or stand at your graveside.

Of course, if you screw up parenting, your kids won't, either.

Parenthood is not for cowards. At least, not done properly, it isn't.

I've been married for 43 years (ye gods!) and have never regretted my decision to not have children. I should point out that this decision was made during my first year of marriage and my first year of teaching music to students from kindergarten through 12th grade. I was in the unique position of seeing the whole range of childhood to young adulthood, and I decided that, while I LOVED my students, I did NOT want kids of my own. I had many different jobs in education over the next 34 years, and I think that I contributed positively to the lives of my students.

Parenting is NOT for everyone, and not everyone should just automatically have children. I saw many examples of bad (and some examples of excellent) parenting over the years, so I can speak from experience. God bless those who take it seriously and who commit to doing as good a job as they are able. The rest of us should do our best to live good lives and give them our support. (While enjoying our pets!)

Another fine column. It is indeed a tricky job, being a parent, and no matter how many books there are on the subject, you'll have to find out on-the-job. You've really captured that here, and I appreciate it!

Pretty good deal if you get more government money for each kid you have. Not so good if you have to pay for your own kids and those kids on welfare too.

Amen to KKG'S comments. A childless couple can be just as happy as any couple with children. More so in many cases.

I absolutely adore your articles. I was explaining your writing style to my sister in Philly and she said, "she sounds like Erma Bombeck" and I totally agreed. I was a step-mom for 5.5 years (her first Mom died when she was five) and I felt that I got a good idea of what it's like to be a Mom. She still calls me Mom and we still see eachother at least once a year. I feel like parenting teaches us so many things that people that have no children could never buy: patience, versatility, letting go, reflection of self, not making mountains out of mole hills, being effective, managing time wisely, to name a few. We have no children of our own but when we spend time with our nieces and nephews, we are totally present and connected. Not being life-obligated allows us to be more detached about the "shoulds" that we might have otherwise. I sometimes wonder if I'll regret it when I'm older. I keep re-committing to actively staying in touch and making sure that I'm including them and our extended family in holiday planning instead of waiting to be included. I ultimately made a choice to be more for the world than for my own family. Both sides have equal pros and cons, I think, and both sides involve sacrifice. Such is the yin/yang balance of life!! I consciously choose it everyday.

Why have kids you say?...because having adults is too much trouble.

My husband and I prefer being DOG (not cat!!!) parents. I get the love from my "kids," but they can't "talk" back! Best of both worlds for us. But I am also a preschool teacher, so I get to spend 7+ hours with adorable kids everyday too!

One of my daughters and her husband choose cats for their "kids" 5 yrs ago. Changed their minds, baby due in Jan. We're wondering how the spoiled cats will react! Starshine, sure we get mad sometimes, really mad even. I have 6 grandchildren now. A friend said, "They're our reward for not killing our kids." A daughter calls and asks how I did it, her kids sometimes behave as badly as she did. We get our revenge! JP

All - My thoughts on having kids / not having kids is simple. Are you happy with the decision your parents made to have you? If so, you are parent material; if not, well, you've just answered your question.